In the last month or so since I was named to Working Mother’s Best of the Net 2014 (which I’m still pinching myself over!), I’ve gotten a few emails from readers asking how I “balance it all.”
Heh heh.
While I’m flattered that it looks like I have my act together, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: There is no such thing as “balance.” At least for me.
Balance implies an air of calm and harmony, a yin and yang, an even 50/50 distribution. Balance suggests there’s never an ounce of guilt, there’s no completely dropping the ball, you don’t need caffeine to get you through the day, you never feel the need to let out tribal screams of frustration (okay, that last one may just be me).
In my world, I don’t call it “balance;” it’s more like organized chaos. Because, to the honest, I don’t mind being busy. Actually, I kind of thrive on it. It’s my personality. But it also requires finding a way to handle being pulled in a million different directions. All the time.
Like I said, organized chaos.
However, keeping my sanity with a 40+ hour/week career, two small kids, running a blog that I love, and training for half marathons does require a few survival strategies.
Here are five tactics that have worked for me:
1. Create a command central, complete with visual cues. I used to put notes in my iPhone or send myself calendar reminders that Mimi needs sunscreen at school, or Buddy’s library book is due. But that system just doesn’t work for me. I’m more of a visual person (anyone who has seen my office, which is littered with stick-it note reminders, would agree). So I hit the local Michael’s and found these galvanized metal dry erase tiles.
I hung them on the door in our kitchen that goes out to our garage (which we use every morning) and that’s where I write my reminders about baseball practice and pajama day at school and other events of the week.
The tiles are also a place for me to keep track of school lunches. I’ve gotten into the habit of looking ahead to Buddy’s school lunch schedule and writing down which days he will be buying lunch and which days he’ll be brown-bagging it. I like having a gameplan, and Buddy likes it because he feels like he’s in the know, too.
Below each kid’s dry erase board is a simple metal adhesive hook for their coats and backpacks. And nearby is a basket where I keep all our gloves, hats, sweatshirts, lunch boxes and other random items we may need to grab in a hurry. It’s sort of like a makeshift mudroom. It’s not perfect, but it works, and each child knows they’re responsible for hanging up their belongings.
2. Do as much as you can at night. This is probably what helps me the most, because our mornings are a frenzied whirlwind, with sleepy, dawdling kids and missing keys and a 2-year-old who can’t decide between frozen pancakes and waffles for breakfast. If I had to throw making lunches and packing bags in there too, we might never get out the door.
So I always try and set aside 20 minutes at night to pack the lunches (for both the kiddos and me — and I always know what I’m doing for Buddy, thanks to my school lunch list), make sure the kiddos have what they need for the day (snacks, permission slips, homework) in their backpacks, and check that my own work bag is ready to go. If I’m going to the gym at lunch the next day, I’ll throw my gym bag in my car the night before so there’s not a chance I might forget it.
3. Eliminate the wardrobe battles. On Sunday nights, I lay out five outfits for each kid for the week and place them in the organizer in their closet.
This is something I’ve done for years now, and I cannot explain the difference this had made. Before, Buddy used to argue and cry and whine about what he was going to wear to daycare, demanding gym shorts in in winter and ratty sweatshirts in summer.
So now, rather than my dictating to them each morning what they have to wear, they get to “choose” from the five outfits … or more importantly, feel like they get to choose. Sure, there are still some tears on Friday morning, which is when the least desirable outfit is all that remains (for Buddy, it’s usually jeans), but it’s a small price to pay to eliminate that morning stress.
And honestly, I sort of do the same thing for me. On Sundays, I’ll pull out my work outfits for the week and leave them in a pile on the ironing board in the laundry room.
4. Meal planning. Raise your hand if you like coming home at the end of the day with two tired, cranky kids and having no clue what to make for dinner.
Yep, I thought so.
I have been admittedly bad with meal planning over the last month, but when I was doing it regularly, it made a huge difference, not just when it came to serving healthier food, but also with managing our grocery budget and eliminating the stressful guesswork that comes with that inevitable, “What’s for dinner tonight, Mom?” question.
5. Use your mornings wisely. About three or four years ago, I came to the realization that I didn’t have the energy to workout at night after a long day in the office. Plus, it cut into my precious evening time with my kiddos. So I started taking 5am classes at the local gym.
People thought I was nuts. But after awhile, I got used to waking up way before dawn, and loved the feeling of coming home at 6am with the knowledge that my workout for the day was done and behind me.
I don’t go every morning, but now I’m so used to waking up early, I’ll still get up around 5:30am and catch up on email, work on the blog, or finish up some of the chores I didn’t get to the night before.
Okay, so fitting in exercise doesn’t quite factor into my organized chaos, but working out keeps me from going off the deep end (must be those happy endorphins), and a happy mom is always a good thing.
Kelly says
Love this one Jess…how much were those tiles? LOVE IT!
Jessica says
Thanks!! Here’s the link – http://www.michaels.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-Michaels-Site/default/mProduct-Show?pid=fa1856
JennyHS says
You’ve pretty summed up what’s going on at our house! I started doing the cleaning system through flylady.com which has really helped (I am not affiliated with her, I just really like her program and encouragement). She focuses on setting up zones in your home and working on a zone a week with a 15 minute projects a day including your daily routines like you listed here (getting clothes ready the night before, meal planning, lists etc.). It helps so much! Since we’ve been doing these things for the past few months I feel like a weight has lifted. I too struggle with getting the workout in, so I schedule that too! I take a noon class twice a week and have my husband p/up my daughter so I can do two night workouts. In a pinch, I get the stroller out and walk or I’ll do three 10 min. dance breaks with the baby during our hour of tv. time, so we don’t just veg out and we get some exercise in! it can be tough but routines are a huge blessing and the kiddos love them. keep up the good work!
Jessica says
That sounds amazing!! I might need to look into that! And dance breaks are such an awesome idea. It’s about squeezing it in when you can, right? 🙂
John Donovan says
I too need the physically write things down. I might be one of the last few people who use an actual desktop planner! But the act of writing it down makes me remember things much better. It also helps being able to see the whole week at a glance.