It came out of nowhere, completely catching me off guard as I was making dinner a few weeks ago.
“Mom, I know Santa isn’t real,” Buddy said matter-of-factly.
I paused. My heart fell. I felt like I wanted to throw up. Or cry. Or both.
And then I started to panic. Because I knew this was a pretty pivotal moment. If I acted accusatory and demanded “Why?” it might raise his suspicion. Because who knows, maybe he was just testing me, trying to see how I would react to such a declaration?
On the other hand, I didn’t want to make him feel stupid by laughing it off and asking what on earth would possess him to say such a ridiculous thing … especially when I know he is obviously right.
So I drew a breath, ignored the pit in my stomach, and asked in a calm, neutral tone, “Really? What makes you say that?” I tried to look confused, like this was the first time I’d ever heard such a thing.
He shrugged. “I just know.”
We talked for a few more minutes, during which I determined that no, he didn’t hear it from anyone at school. Instead, he was putting the pieces together of the whole “Santa story” — you know, a big guy squeezing down a chimney, a sleigh that contains enough presents for every single boy and girl on the planet, that sort of thing.
I was heartbroken — even though a small part of me was proud of him for questioning it, for thinking rationally and logically about what we all know is a pretty preposterous tale. But children grow up so fast now, much faster than when we were young. They barely have time to truly be little kids anymore, and I want him to have this one piece of his childhood for as long as he can.
And then I had to smile. Because when I asked him about who he thought put the presents under the tree (while I was desperately thinking, Please don’t say us, please don’t say us), he looked me square in the eye and said, “The elves, of course.” And then he proceeded to explain that when our Elf on the Shelf, Fisbee, arrives from the North Pole that he’s going to ask him all about Santa.
I breathed a sigh of relief. That was a close one … a little too close. Yet I was still pretty shocked that here we were, already having this conversation. I thought I had a few more years, which would give me time to come up with a clever and thoughtful response that I could whip out when he began questioning such things.
But right now I’m grateful that there’s still a part of him — the part that is still an 8-year-old little boy — that believes in some part of the magic of the season. And I am going to do my damnedest to keep that going.
So it’s time to up my game. Here’s how I’m going to try and keep the Santa magic alive for at least one more year:
- Write and mail our letters to Santa this year. I admit, this is something I haven’t been consistent about. But coincidentally, Mimi’s school has a special reader coming and there’s a way to order specialized letters for your kids from Santa in the North Pole that reference the items on their list. Talk about perfect timing! So we made a big show this year, putting our letters in envelopes and adding a stamp and placing them in the mailbox. Can’t wait to see his expression when he gets that mail!
- After Buddy asks Fisbee the Elf whether Santa is real, he’ll pop up in his new location with a bell from Santa’s sleigh, a la The Polar Express (thank you, Amazon!), and a note that says Santa is so happy he still believes in the magic of Christmas, which is why he wanted to give him one of his sleigh bells.
- Set a nightly reminder on my iPhone to “CFL” … Change Fisbee Location (gotta use an acronym — darn these kids and their ability to read!). There’s no way I can have Buddy wake up and see Fisbee in the same place and give him the old “Oh, Fisbee must have been tired” line that we’ve used in the past.
- Let him track Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve, thanks to NORAD.
- We already do the “eat the cookies and drink the milk” thing and separate Santa wrapping paper, which we’ll continue. We’ve also done the Portable North Pole customized videos in the past, which the kids have LOVED, but since he’s become pretty computer-savvy, I’m a little nervous to show him anything where he could suddenly click around the browser, make note of URLs, etc.
I know this may just be a temporary fix, a one-year reprieve. And it may not work at all.
Either way, when the magical curtain of Santa finally falls, I hope he’ll see that the Santa tale is part of the spirit and joy of the holiday season (especially since he will have to play along, for his little sister’s sake). And that the excitement and anticipation, the generosity and kindness, the wishing and hoping, the family traditions, and the love and compassion are real … regardless of who put the presents under the tree.
“Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy… Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.” – Excerpted from “Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus,” by Francis P. Church, first published in The New York Sun in 1897
Tamara Gruber says
What a sweet story!! It is a good lesson to not jump to conclusions of what they know or don’t know but let them guide you and talk it out. You handled it beautifully.
Lynn says
Hi Jess!
My sister is 8 years younger than I, so I got several years of playing along for her sake and loved it.
My room was in the attic, and she was allowed to have a slumber party with me every Christmas Eve. That let me keep an eye on her, so she wouldn’t go down and witness anyone other than Santa, and I could sometimes convince her that we’d heard reindeer hoofs on the roof.
We had some special glitter that looked a bit like snow and was used only once a year as a trace of Santa’s movements. We would sprinkle some coming from the chimney, a bit around the gifts, and some by the cookie plate. One year, my mother went the extra mile and trailed some into the powder room. My sister ‘discovered’ the trail and was astonished. She was still talking about it when school started again, and she proudly told all of her friends that, “Santa went potty at my house!” I think that bought a couple of extra years of belief!
Cheers!
Lynn
Jenn @TheRebelChick says
My heart just about broke when my daughter found out that Santa wasn’t real. I love that your son still believes in the Elves. I wish that we had known about Elf on the Shelf when my daughter was little, it seems like such a fun tradition!
Divina says
It is true that fateful day will come when the magic of Santa disappears and the holidays are a little less innocent. Good parenting Mom! I would have blown this.
Ida Mae says
How do we get a letter back from Santa?? I’d love to know
Jessica says
This is the group that went to my daughter’s school: http://www.northpolepostman.com/about-us.html
Elena says
Aww, what a great story…and a good reminder about the importance of listening to the specific questions. We do not celebrate Christmas so my daughter knows there is no Santa and we have had long talks about why she cannot say anything to her friends about it….I would hate for her to be the reason that another child loses any extra believing time.
Lori Popkewitz Alper says
Such a sweet story. I’m glad you have at least another year to go. I remember when the tooth fairy was busted. Such a sad day. I still try to keep that one alive and my oldest is 14!
Jane - Mom Generations says
Wow, you handled that really well! Love the magic of this season with children. I’m so excited to be able to share Christmas magic with Brian!
Annie {Stowed Stuff} says
We sure do and I think I managed it well. I pulled her aside (age 8) and said, “I don’t know what you’ve heard or what YOU believe, but we believe in the magic – Christmas is magic for all of us. For mommy, daddy, your brothers and you.”
Things are going well. She was near tears when we had that much needed convo after watching something DREADFUL on YOUTUBE!!!!! I’m hearing things now like, “Well the Santa at Bass Pro Shops isn’t the real Santa……” Correct, my lady.
Melanie says
My littles still believe. But I know the day is coming when their friends will blow it for them. I’m not looking forward to that!
Leticia Barr says
With kids ages 8 and almost 11, they tell me they still believe and I hope that they truly do! They’re definitely at the age when some of their classmates could ruin it for them but I love your ideas to keep the magic of the season going at home!
Pilar says
Sadly, my two kidlets’ conviction is wavering, but I’m still encouraging them to believe as long as possible. There’s something so magical about being little, that I can identify with you wanting to prolong it as long as possible.