It officially hit me this morning. My house is a pit. A sty. A mess. An eyesore. A disaster.
And here’s my confession: it looks like this most of the time.
Trust me, I am not one of those people who complains about her “messy house” when there’s one dirty glass in the sink or a board game that’s out of place. When I say mess, I mean bathrooms that really need to be cleaned. And a dirty kitchen floor. And tons and tons of laundry. I can’t walk across my bedroom floor without tripping on something. And there is just stuff laying around everywhere, particularly on our dining room table, which has emerged as our “catch all” for everything, from school bags to bills to baseball helmets. See Examples A and B below.
Most days, I am in a state of denial over the state of my house. I am able to look past the overflowing dirty laundry bin and toys strewn across the living room as I race out the door with the kiddos each morning to go to work because there’s simply not enough time to notice it.
And it’s even easier to avoid it at night. By the time I get home from work, fix dinner, spend a few moments with my kids, take care of baths and bedtime, fix the lunches for the next day and do a little writing, I am ready to fall into bed. If I end up with an extra 10 minutes at night, I don’t want to spend it vaccuuming; I’d rather – gasp – read or catch up on one of my shows or spend a little time with my husband.
But eventually, one of two things happens:
1. We have guests coming over, so I break out into a cleaning frenzy so we don’t totally embarrass ourselves.
2. The blinders come off and I see the mess for what it is and it completely stresses me out. Like rising-blood-pressure, sudden-onset-of-crankiness kind of stress. And then I end up spending 3 hours on a Friday night – after working all week – cleaning. Just how I want to start my weekend.
I am not a neatnik by any means (see this post). My nickname as a child was Messy Jessie. But I do like order. Order keeps me sane. Disarray and chaos – when I finally open my eyes to see it – stresses me out.
But it’s gotten worse lately – a casualty of our increasingly busy schedules and jam-packed weekends. And I can’t figure out how to catch up … never mind tackle some of the major cleaning projects everyone else seems to have time to do, like dusting blinds and cleaning windows and washing baseboards. We’ve lived in this house for nearly 6 years and I’ve never done any of those things.
People keep telling me, Oh, don’t worry about the mess, spend time with your kids; the messes will always be there, but your kids won’t be little for long.
Yeah, that worked for me for awhile, but it’s getting harder to believe. Besides, I’m not much fun once I get to the mess-is-stressing-me-out point.
I know you’re thinking the obvious: hire some cleaning help. I wish it was that easy. But this is one of those philosophical – and financial – debates that Dr. G. and I never seem to agree on. Believe me, I’ve tried. We’ve hired a cleaning team only once: right before I came home from the hospital with Mimi. I told my family that coming home to sparkly clean house was what I wanted most for my birthday that year. Best. Birthday. Gift. Ever.
It would be so easy to blame my messy house on working full-time or being busy with the kids or simply just being lazy. How convenient would it be to point the finger at my husband, but the truth is that he does his fair share (if not more) around – and outside – the house; the reality is that he’s just as busy as I am.
I’m not trying to complain; it’s more like I’m at a loss. How do you other mamas find time to keep your house in order and relatively clean? What are your best tips for dealing with the clutter? I can’t be the only one struggling with this, right?
Elizabeth Atalay says
This makes me feel so much better about my own messy house! And I have cleaning help, the thing is I have to clean for the leaning people so they can do their job properly! I have to go clean right now in fact!
Sharon - MomGenerations.com says
“The clean house” problem/solution is the oldest dilemma, I think. I figured out a long time ago how to keep my home marginally neat (like if company surprises us, we are not horrifically mortified). I’ve passed along this wisdom to my daughters, but they don’t believe me! Hey, it’s worth a try: I spend 10 minutes each day on ONE ROOM, then rotate around my entire home each day until I’m back on the first room. In each of these rooms, I pick up stuff, put stuff away, vacuum if necessary, maybe run a paper towel over the dust and smile. Of course, there are rooms that require more time than others, but that 10 minutes equals 80 minutes/week that I otherwise might spend doing something meaningless. I DO have a housekeeper every other week, but I didn’t when I was a young working Mom. I learned this from my Mom and I still thank her for the tip! It works!
Jackie Hennessey says
Thank you for this post! I am with you, Jessica and I think there are MANY of us who feel the same way. It’s overwhelming! I suffer the same housework insanity every week. And yes, when guests come, I go into a panic house-cleaning overload. Then I burn out! Through the years, I’ve realized that there is no way my house will ever look perfect. Or that all the laundry will ever get done. So I do a little here and there. I agree with Sharon. I think it’s harder when we’re overwhelmed by it all…so I try to take baby steps. For example, I’ll sweep the kitchen floor before the kids come down for breakfast and mop it too. That seven minutes goes a LONG way by the time they come home from school. I also try to vacuum one room at a time. Do the dishes after dinner, and try to go to bed with a clean kitchen. Fold laundry while watching something with the kids. Have them help bring their clothes to their rooms as they get older. And as for the bathrooms, I HATE doing toilets and sinks. But a little baking soda and swish swish goes a long way!
Jacqui says
I have found that I have to put things away right away, once I start to let them build up I am in trouble. I spend 10 minutes each night after little miss going to bed just putting things away. Some nights I need all 10 minutes most nights I don’t. But it keeps me in the mindset of doing it.
Erika at I {heart} Rhody says
Why do you think all our houses are clean, neat and tidy??
The other commenters are right about baby steps (check out flylady.com. It offers a daily checklist where you focus on one room a day. Their motto is “baby steps”)
When I’m feeling like I have to dig out from under and I’m too overwhelmed to do anything about it, I watch an episode of Hoarders. There is no better motivation.
Finally, a bit of advice from a mom of 5: delegate, delegate, delegate. Everyone with gross motor skills has something to contribute to the cleanup effort, even if it’s just keeping busy with “dusting” while you get something else done. Cleaning time can also be family time if you all work together.
Jane - MomGenerations.com says
I’m glad it’s not just me! Sometimes I can stay on top of the house cleaning, but other times it’s just not in the cards. Right now it’s a mess. I have no advice! Just empathy!
Ezekiel Pavlak says
lovely post, after reading it I feel like I should clean my house a bit 🙂
The Shitastrophy says
I spend about 20 mins every morning while kids are eating cleaning up and then repeat hopefully after dinner. It’s not perfect, but the top layer is done. Oh, and I broke down and hired someone 2 times a month. They r not great, but at least I know the toilets are clean and they r cheap. Most importantly I gave up on total order, something had to give. Good luck!
Celeste says
My house is always a disaster. To top off our natural slobbiness, we’re in the middle of a remodel *and* a big yard project. Everything is coated with dust and dirt. Right now we’ve given up and are blaming the home improvements. But as soon as those are done, we’ll have to go back to owning our disgustingness. Joy.
Also, my nickname growing up was Bessie, which rhymes with messy. My dad also made up a whole song which was a joke, the punchline being that I am a slob. Yay dad?