Today marks the end of day two of Dr. G’s week-long work trip (I won’t say where it is, because it’s too depressing – just think palm trees and pina coladas). But more importantly, it means we’ve hit the halfway mark; I’ve survived two full days of being a “married single mom.”
I’ve learned over the years that when you have kids and a spouse that frequently travels for work, it’s all about survival, simplicity and reassessing expectations. Basically, when Dr. G. is away, my goal is to make it through the day unscathed with two kids who are healthy, fed and relatively happy. I try to stick with our normal routines, but it’s also okay to ditch a few rules along the way for sanity’s sake. If that means letting Buddy watch one of his shows so I can make the lunches for the next day, or if I serve cereal for dinner one night because I’m tired and we got home late, I’m okay with it.
But even though I have a game plan when Dr. G’s away, I don’t think I could survive his work trips without a local support system. I’m so fortunate that my best friend lives a mile away. Ironically, J’s husband travels a lot too, so a few years ago, back when our boys were small, we started what we call “Single Mom Pizza and Wine Night.”
It’s like an SOS.
Usually the mom whose husband is traveling will host and order pizza, while the other mom brings the wine and dessert. The kids play and entertain each other, and we get a chance to catch up and have some adult conversations. Nights can often be tough (and seem to drag on) when dad’s away; this makes it go by so much faster. And it’s nice to have something to look forward to when I all want to do is count the days until Dr. G. returns.
Plus I love pizza. And wine.
Sure, it means my kids probably won’t eat any vegetables that day or get a bath and they may stay up too late. But it’s definitely worth it. We’re all a little more relaxed (me, more so than anyone!) after our pizza and wine night.
I know I’m lucky that J. and her family are so close and I have someone nearby who understands how tough it is when you’re flying solo with the kids. “Married single motherhood” is exhausting, especially if you also work full-time. You’re always “on.” There is no downtime or break or letting your guard down. Without a partner to pitch in, you’re on your own when it comes to cleaning the dishes, feeding the dog, taking out the garbage, making the lunches and simply getting through everything that needs to be done for the next day. Every time Dr. G. goes away, I say the same thing: I marvel at single parents. Truly, I don’t know how you all do it.
Unfortunately, travel is part of Dr. G.’s job. Yes, it’s not ideal, but I know it could be worse. All I can do is try to keep a good attitude and not make him feel too guilty about it (even when he’s in a tropical paradise), because I know he’s working hard, he’s jet-lagged and tired, and he’s missing us, too.
Just a few more days … I can do it …
Question: If your spouse or partner travels for work, how do you keep your sanity? Any survival tips?
jen says
Not sure where we would be without the SMPN !!! 🙂
Lynn says
Love this idea!