Time, Where Have You Gone?

Somehow, in the blink of an eye, my little Mimi has become a potty-trained preschooler who sleeps in her own full-sized bed.

Big Girl Bed

Seriously, how did that happen?

I don’t know if my heart can take all the transitions my littlest has undergone the last few weeks.

Big girl underpants.

Big girl bed.

Preschool.

While I’m so very proud of her, I’m not exactly jumping up for joy like I did when Buddy accomplished these milestones. Because, one by one, these last remaining ties to her babyhood – diapers, cribs, rocking to sleep – are all disappearing right before me, all at once. And suddenly it’s clear that my baby – my last baby – really isn’t such a baby anymore. She is, as she never fails to point out, a big girl.

And she’s right.

I don’t think I ever really knew what bittersweet felt like. That is, until I had to pack up the crib and the changing table and glider that have been a part of our lives for the last seven years while simultaneously celebrating with Mimi and cheering her on as she takes these next steps into childhood.

And realizing — just like that — my time as the mom of a baby is over, and it’s time to move on.

Time’s a funny thing, isn’t it? Throughout all of these major milestones over the last week, I haven’t been able to get the Chantal Kreviazuk song, appropriately titled “Time,” out of my head.  (Anyone else who watched “Laguna Beach” will recognize it as the song that closed out the series finale.)

This song sums up how I am feeling right now.

Did I appreciate all those baby snuggles when I had the chance? That intoxicating smell that only newborns have? The feeling of her nuzzled up against my chest as I nursed her? The way she could fit perfectly in my lap? Those dimpled, chubby thighs and gummy smile and coos?

Part of me is so tempted to wallow just a bit longer, but I know it’s not going to change anything. You can’t freeze, bottle or rewind time, as much as you desperately want to.

So now having acknowledged — and shared — these bittersweet feelings of sadness and nostalgia,  I will move on and look ahead to this exciting new chapter in my little girl’s life. I will think about all the things I can’t wait to experience with her as she continues to grow up. And how lucky I am to be there for them.

Because time will keep moving forward. The only thing I can do is enjoy every second and try to keep up. And enjoy moments like this.

Fairy princess

Were there any milestones that made you feel more sad than happy?

Comments

  1. 2

    says

    As I was reading your post my 12 year old walked in the door, having just been dropped off down the street by the school bus…and I’m thinking the same things! So you are smart to cherish each moment because small or bigger, it is flying by fast!
    Danielle Salisbury recently posted..How to Make a Mini Terrarium

  2. 4

    says

    My son Benjamin is 3 and hitting these same milestones and it is killing me. He is my only and my last and I can’t believe how fast it has gone. Last year at this time, he said maybe 10 words. Now we have full conversations and he narrates his own stories as he plays independently. He also reminds me on a daily basis, when I tell him he will always be my baby, that he is not a baby, that he is a BIG BOY. I love watching him grow, and learn, and explore the world and am amazed every day at all he can do. But, I want to savor his littleness a little longer.

    Yesterday morning I told him about how I used to love snuggling with him at bedtime when he was a baby. How he would just put his head on my shoulder and fall asleep. Last night, after I read him his story, he turned to me, put his arms around my neck and his head on my shoulder and said, “Look Mommy. I snuggling!” And it made me burst into tears.
    melissa at marching to a different beat recently posted..You know you’re A MOM when…

  3. 5

    says

    I am feeling all of this and more as I am pregnant with my third and probably definitely, final child. I’m trying to hang on to each day being pregnant, hang on to how my one year old needs me but everyday can do more on his own. It really is all bittersweet because we are so proud if our kids’ advancements but we also know how much we will miss their baby ways. Ps. I love that song!

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