When Mimi was born, I think I underestimated how becoming a family of four would significantly change every aspect of our lives once the blissful cocoon of maternity and paternity leave ended. Call me naive, or perhaps I was simply lulled into a false sense of security because we had gotten into a pretty good groove with Buddy: he was independent, able to follow directions and fairly reasonable. When Dr. G and I both returned to work full-time I felt I was being thrown headfirst into a freezing cold pool. I lost my equilibrium, everything seemed 100 times more difficult and took 100 times as long.
For the first time, I really began to have difficulty managing all the roles in my life — mother, wife and employee. I would sit at work, pumping in between meetings and conference calls, missing my kiddos and picturing the mounds of dirty laundry waiting for me at home, and then I’d come home and nurse the baby and think about all the to-do items languishing away at the office. Weekends were spent trying to catch up, yet I couldn’t ignore the feeling I was drowning. And so tired. How do these moms do this without going completely insane?? Is it me?? Am I not cut out for this? And then I’d feel guilty because I know I’m one of the lucky ones: Dr. G. and I are partners who share the load equally, from helping the kiddos to household chores. But as “the mom” and “the wife,” I think I put so much unrealistic pressure on myself to “do it all.” I became a cliche.
I knew I had to do something because neither my job – nor my kiddos – were going anywhere. So I thought about the things, besides work and family, that make me happy or allow me to zone out and relax. And I realized there were quite a few of them: running, coffee, magazines (ooh, the excitement when I open the mailbox and see two or three glossies waiting for me!), celebrity gossip, wine, fashion, re-runs of “Beverly Hills, 90210”. I began to think of these things as my “vices.” So rather than rushing through that morning cup of coffee or speed reading through the latest issue of In Style, I try to just be in that moment, and enjoy that time – as fleeting as it may be – when I am doing something for me. Kind of like a self-induced “time out” ๐ And most times, I feel a little more grounded … and a little more sane … afterward.
(P.S. Please don’t think I live in a tropical paradise – we live in Massachusetts. But I don’t I was ever as relaxed as I was on this trip to Maui in 2010. Plus looking at this picture always makes me happy.)
Of course, we live in the real world, where new challenges and situations constantly present themselves, so trust me when I say my vices are not a magical solution to mastering the work/family juggling act. Some days, or weeks, are definitely tougher than others. But, for me, they help. And I bet I’m not the only one. We may take them for granted, or even think of it as being “selfish,” but I will go out on a limb and say we all have little things — whether it’s yoga or tuning in to the latest episode of “Glee” or simply reading a good book — that may seem mundane or quirky, but actually provide us with a brief escape, help keep our minds and bodies healthy, and let us unwind and relax. And that adds up to a happier mommy.
So that, in a nutshell, is what Keeping Mommy Sane is about. It’s about being a mom and all the fun and heartwarming and crazy experiences that go along with it. It’s about my attempts to balance career and family. And it’s also about the things that this one mom does to stay sane amidst the chaos and the joy of everyday life. Thanks for joining me on this journey!
Kim says
Things to keep in mind… ๐