When Mimi was a newborn, she was a good sleeper. Make that a great sleeper. A phenomenal sleeper. Like idiots, we bragged about it to all our friends, telling everyone how she already sleeps through the night, how we have to wake her up for feedings, and, gosh, aren’t we so lucky?
One friend smiled wryly and said, “You just wait,” and gave me a knowing look.
Her omen proved accurate – albeit 19 months later.
For the last few months, Miss Mimi has been making us crazy. She’ll go to bed without any fuss at night time, collecting her plush dolls and various stuffed animals (which I’m sure I’m not supposed to have in her crib) all around her, her eyes closed before we even leave the room.
But then comes 4am.
Nearly every night between 4 and 4:30am, we hear her on the monitor. And she’s always calling out for me, of course. Probably because she knows I’m the biggest sucker – and that hearing her cry out my name pretty much kills me.
She usually starts with a few whimpering “Mommy” and “Mamas.” Then when I don’t appear (because I have my head buried under the pillow, hoping she goes back to sleep and also realizing that I have to get up in 45 minutes to go to the stupid gym), she picks it up. Her voice is now more shrill, more urgent.
And then it comes.
“My Mommy! My Mommy-Mama! Waahhhhhhhh!”
Ouch.
Sometime she’ll throw Dr. G. a bone and weave in a few half-hearted “Daddy!” cries in there, but usually she’s calling for her Mommy-Mama.
Dr. G. and I start out trying to hold firm; really, we do. But as our stubborn daughter carries on, getting more worked up and increasingly hysterical, we usually end up giving in and giving her what she wants: to come in bed with us.
And there you have it. We’ve become “those parents.”
Yes, we’ve tried just going in to check on her and reassure her and then leaving. Disaster. We’ve tried rocking her in her room, and while she falls asleep right away, when we try to place her back in her crib, her eyes fly open, her face scrunches up, the crocodile tears flow – and chaos ensues.
I know what we have to do. But our resolve isn’t as strong at 4am as it is at 6pm. And yes, there is a bit of selfishness involved. We both have to work and we need a good night’s sleep, so when we bring her in the bed, she crashes immediately, and we can go back to sleep. Otherwise, she’ll cry and scream for a good hour. Trust me. Stubbornness runs in the family.
I’ve thought about putting her to bed earlier, but then I worry about two things: Will her 4am wake-up call become a 3am wake-up call? And, to be honest, if I put her to bed any earlier, that means I only get two hours with her at night, by the time we get home from school/work/daycare. You can call me a selfish mom, but I want as much time with my kids at night as I can get.
Part of me wonders if we are indulging her more because she is our baby, even though – at 19 months – she’s technically our toddler. But we’re not planning on any more kids. So are we indulging and babying her more than we did with Buddy for that reason? Because we know she’s the last and we want to hang on to every last moment of her babyhood?
That thought occurred to me yesterday after we withstood nearly 35 minutes of her crying on the monitor before I caved and went to get her, then groggily proceeded to put my sports bra on backwards.
So parents, I beg you. We need some help. Do we just tough it out? Should I invest in earplugs? Is there some other secret strategy that we don’t know about?
jen @ keekoin says
Girlie, I would totally just ride it out and get your sleep however you can. She’s 16 months old, which means she’s already “sleep trained” (however you wanna define that) and it’s not that she needs help with sleeping. Same thing happened with our middle daughter– she started waking up during the night around 18 months (also starting climbing out of the crib then, too) and it was a battle and a half to get her back to sleep in her room, which would just end up having everyone up for over an hour during the night. instead, i started taking her to bed with us on those nights and just let her sleep in there. it lasted for a while, and then when she switched to a bed, she slept there fine… and then around age 3, she started waking up again during the night b/c she’s just a light sleeper and dreams freak her out and sometimes, she’s just a very stubborn child. we tried everything to avoid her coming in our room and it was always a huge mess. so, i told her to just come walk to our room on those nights. i also set up a little bed on the floor next to our bed for her to use if she needed to just have us near and she slept in that sometimes (not always). BUT.. now that she’s 3 1/2, she has been back to sleeping all night in her bed again and hasn’t come into our bed in a while. My other two daughters are like rocks at night– you could toss them around and no one would even budge. so i joke to my husband that “There’s one in every house,” like lily and we didn’t do anything differently with any of them as far as teaching them how to sleep. (i was pretty strict with schedules and bed routines their first years of life.) kids just have their own sleep patterns and it’s something that will probably go through phases forever. AND… i’m not gonna lie, i am totally OK with them coming into our bed b/c i freakin’ LOVE snuggling with them and being close to them and i know that someday, all of this is going to be totally gone forever and they’ll never snuggle like that with us again, so while i don’t openly encourage it, i will never turn it away now. ever. i will boot my husband to the couch before i say no to them coming into bed. LOL. 🙂 just do your thing and get your sleep and i’m sure it will all change soon enough!!!!
Heather @ Kraus House Mom says
My kids are 4, 6 and 7 and if they get up in the middle of the night or even at the crack of dawn I tell them to go get their pillow (because I’ll share my bed NOT my pillow) and let them in. They go right back to sleep. When they were little one of us would grab whoever was causing the scene and plop him/her between us.
Chelley Martinka says
I have no specific advice, as Addie is only (almost) 9 months and STTN, but she also has hearing loss and apnea, which makes her less likely to wake due to noise and her sleep is not great, so I’m used to her startle-whimper-sleep routine. BUT… I’ve looked into a lot of sleep stuff (as I’m hoping her hearing can be fixed and then I’m scared she’ll never sleep again!), and I know that you can always re-sleep train if needed, at any age. That’s how we wake up for the baby when they’re so little, or train ourselves to get up and go to the gym at 5am (you rock!).
Perhaps considering bed-sharing, if that’s right for your family, may be a way to get her back to sleep. Or, riding it out. A week of letting her babble and whine in her bed (turn the sound really low on the monitor, keep the video), as long as you can drift back to sleep for a bit, may just be what she needs to remind her body to go back to sleep.
I hope you get some rest soon!!! And if you need earplugs, my hubby owns a music store- I’ll get you some 🙂
Sheri says
I feel your pain. We’ve been dealing with this for year with my youngest. I was able to give the tough love with the first born and he is an excellent sleeper. The third baby. I don’t want him waking the house. He goes to bed fine but wakes up in the night and gets in my bed. I just keep telling myself it will end. He’s not going to be 8 and sleeping in my bed in the morning. I just rather those extra 45 minutes of sleep.
mel says
I feel your pain because my 4 year old has been getting up in the middle of the night since she has been 3. I don’t really want her in my bed so I go put her back to her bed but it is an annoying cycle. I am so used to it now but really wish it would change. This is stopping my husband from even thinking about a third!
Courtney Buteau says
Oh man, I wish I had answers for you. My two year old has always been a great sleeper. I’m terrified that my second (due Monday!) will be the complete opposite. The only thing I know from being a mom of two years now, is that most things are a phase and will eventually end. How long? Who the heck knows? I hope for your sake she grows out of it super quickly! I’m sure you and your husband are doing your best. Good luck friend!
Michele C. says
I don’t have any advice that’s different from the above, but wanted to send you huge hugs. My daughter has been a terrible sleeper since birth, and only got better around 2.5 yo. Now she’s in a regular toddler bed and it’s like starting over some nights. Hang in there, like the song says, “it won’t be like this for long.” (if only our sleep-deprived selves could actually believe that, right???).
candice says
Seems like everyone has already said everything to be said. Its probably just a phase. There have been times when I even find myself waking at an odd hour of the night for days on end. 4 am in no picnic that is for sure so give yourself some slack.
Jessica says
Thank you all for the advice and support! I feel a lot better. I have to think this is a phase … and I also have a sneaking suspicion that she is also teething, which could be the culprit. In the meantime, we’ll hang in there!
Erin says
My youngest didn’t sleep thru the night (ever) until just a couple weeks ago at 14 months old. Our worst moments were between 2 and 4 am when her screeching would wake the entire household. In order to get sleep, we started putting her in her infant car seat in the office (as far from the rest of us as possible) so we could all get some sleep. Then, she’d wake and we’d move her and she’d just drift back to sleep. No more screeching after the initial wakeup. And then she just started sleeping through. While I, like most parents, enjoy sleepy kid snuggles, I (personally) don’t feel that anyone gets good sleep when everyone sleeps together. My oldest has started waking due to dreams and “noises” and sneaking into our bed. I wake up with at least one new bruise and drag myself thru the day. So I do my best to reassure her and escort her back to her bed. Sleep is important.
Jane - MomGenerations.com says
I NEED sleep, so I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you! Since I’m not a mom myself, I can’t offer any advice, but I would echo what most of the other moms said and just do what works for you. I remember I used to go sleep in my parents’ room sometimes as a kid. Eventually I stopped. 🙂
Shell says
Parenting can be so hard! And just when you think you have it figured out it changes! I wish you the best of luck and more sleep (thank goodness they eventually grow out of this!)
erika says
that sounds like it must be tough! as i have no children (unless you want to count my cats? yeah, i’m that crazy cat lady, haha), i can’t even imagine what that’s like! although it does seem like everyone has some really great suggestions. i hope you’ll be able to get mimi to sleep through the night again, soon!
Joanna {Baby Gators Den} says
I don’t have any great advice because my kids, 14 months and 3 years will sleep great for months and months then (like now) wake up every 2 hours screaming. It makes me want to pull my hair out! I think the other commenters have great advice though 🙂
liza says
oh my gosh i wish i had some words of wisdom for you…i had the opposite problem with my kids. cried and woke up for months and months all the time till they finally just settled in. i would say she’s old enough to cry it out. so stressful but she will be ok. hope you get more sleep soon!
Megan says
I say do what works! If you really don’t want her in your bed, then let her cry it out. If you don’t really mind then let her come in. It’s not like she’s spending all night there, and if there’s one thing i’ve learned since becoming a mama it’s that everything is a phase. It won’t last forever. Good luck!! 🙂
Sara hammer says
I taught my kiddos how to turn on their twilight turtles so they could turn on the stars if they wanted to if they woke up. Also one of my friends recorded a special message to her kiddo on one of those toy flip phones so her child could hear her voice whenever she wanted to. My daughter also really likes having the “rainbow in my room” light, so she wants to stay in her room. My son likes having a tap light near his bed so he can easily turn it on and off if he wants to. Basically I just tried to make their bedrooms the coolest place EVER, so they’ve stopped wanting to leave. 😉
Michael Panole says
I think of these things all the time, but the way you put it now makes me rethink alot of that.