I have a confession to make. I sometimes hate running.
Yes, I do try and get out there 3-4 times a week, especially now that I’m following a training plan to improve my 10K time. But when I run, the following thoughts are usually going through my head:
Wow, this sucks.
Can I stop now?
HOW much further?
My legs feel like lead.
Ugh, I have a side split.
I hate that I can’t get out of my head enough to enjoy the peacefulness and the fact that (aside from my work commute, which doesn’t count) it’s probably the only alone time I get in a given day. And don’t even try to convince me to run without my music. I hate that I’ve become dependent on the beats, the cadence, the swells of a tempo chorus to push me along. I cringe when I hear other runners talk about how they did a 10-miler in silence and go on and on about how it was so therapeutic and how they just listened to the sounds of nature. I think I’d be so discouraged (not to mention bored) listening to my own jagged breathing for 45 minutes. And forget about keeping up a “casual conversation” with a running friend, as I see other more seasoned runners doing; I’m usually too focused on either not hyperventilating or not throwing up to chat about the weather or the kiddos.
I hate the doubt that plagues me just as I’m getting ready to set out on a run: Can I really run that many miles? What if my knees act up? What if I need to stop? What if, what if, what if.
I hate that I never say to myself, halfway through my run: Wow, I feel great! I could go another 3 miles! What a lovely day this is!
I hate that I have yet to experience that elusive runner’s high.
Yet there are so many things I love about running.
Like how I feel afterwards, like I’ve accomplished something. I love improving my physical endurance and pushing myself to new limits. I love that warm feeling – that surge of energy – that comes after a run. When I’m done, any stress I had been feeling is suddenly gone, thanks to those magical endorphins. I feel calm, centered, happy.
I love racing. I am someone who needs that kind of motivation, to have a goal to work towards. There’s something about the feeling when you line up at the start line, full of nervous energy and adrenaline and optimism, surrounded by hundreds of other runners who feel exactly the same way. The energy of a race is palpable: it consumes you, pushes you, makes you work harder than you thought possible. I love the sprint to cross the finish line; even if you didn’t set a PR, you finish with the knowledge that you set out to do what you came there for, and now you can relax and celebrate your victory and enjoy the camaraderie of your fellow runners (and a free post-race beer ain’t bad, either …. plus I’m a sucker for free T-shirts :>)
And, because I’m a firm believer in full disclosure, I love how running has transformed my post-baby body – and my mood (just ask Dr. G). Nothing else has even come close.
For those of us who run, it can be a complex relationship. There are many days when I feel like a fraud for calling myself a “runner” because of all the things I hate about it. But then I see quotes like this and it puts it into perspective.
(Source)
So maybe it’s okay that I have this love/hate relationship with running. Maybe I just need to realize that running doesn’t come easy, or naturally, to me — and that’s okay. It’s something I’ll just always have to work hard at – both physically and mentally. It means I need to approach running in a way that makes sense for me, not for anyone else. And it’s that effort, that focus, that makes the rewards (and results) at the end even sweeter.
Maybe being a runner isn’t about the miles you log or the records you set. It’s about those couple of minutes when you’re lacing up your sneakers and making a choice to go for a run, rather than the hundreds of other things you’d rather be doing. Maybe just the sheer act of running makes you a runner – even if you hate it some days, like me.
But I still may buy this T-shirt 🙂
What do you love/hate about running?
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