Now that Buddy is 7, he is no longer allowed to use the women’s locker room at the local YMCA, which is kind of a drag when we’re there for swim class. If I want to be able to nag him to hurry up assist, we have to use the small, crowded (and often dirty) family changing room — something we generally try to avoid.
Honestly, I know he doesn’t really need my help anymore, but he tends to dawdle, and there have been times when I’ve had to approach random men walking out of the locker room and ask if they to poke their heads back in to ask if there is a boy named Buddy in there.
I mean, I get why the Y instituted the “no boys under the age of 5 in the women’s locker room” rule. I know how it could be really uncomfortable and awkward for some women ––and girls –– to have a young boy in the same room where they are disrobing and changing into swimsuits or workout gear. I would totally feel the same way if one of my son’s friends caught me naked.
But at the same time, it’s funny, because at home we generally have a pretty relaxed attitude toward nudity. I’m not gratuitous about it, prancing or roaming aimlessly naked around the house just because I can. But I also don’t think twice about stepping out of the shower or stripping out of my work clothes into sweatpants in front of my kids or undressing in any other matter-of-fact type situations.
Because you know what? When you’re a mom, sometimes being naked is pretty darn convenient.
When you’re home alone with a toddler, asking him to “close his eyes” while Mommy changes, or leaving him alone while you quickly duck into the bathroom to get dressed is not that practical, or realistic. Nor is having to cover up when breastfeeding your youngest child while your five-year-old son is home. Some may call it laziness, but I call it reality.
Of course, my son went through stages where he’d point and giggle at Mommy’s “boobies.” He’s asked some interesting questions over the years, too: “Why do you have hair there?” and (a personal favorite) “Is that where you pee out of?” I tried to answer his questions as honestly as possible, without providing more information than was necessary for a child his age.
Sure, I’ve always known there comes a point when a parent and child probably shouldn’t be naked around each other, yet I never really considered when I’d have to change my habits and be a little more discreet, especially around my son. I figured I would just know.
And now I think that time is upon us.
It’s like he started first grade and matured overnight. Not only does he look older, but he’s also starting to understand that boys are girls really are different. Yes, I know that at age seven he is nowhere close to puberty, but he’s definitely becoming more aware of girls and even starting to “like” them.
Maybe that’s why I’ve subconsciously become a little more modest lately. While I still have those instances when I am rushing to get ready for work in the morning and have to streak down the hall to grab something from the dryer, I’m now trying to be more mindful about covering up or ducking into the bathroom when I’m changing into my PJs.
And while my son has generally been unfazed to this point by seeing his parents nude, he is becoming more private about his body, which I know is a good – and healthy – thing. Sometimes, when he’s changing, he’ll say, “Mommy, don’t look at me!” or will ask for privacy. And for the last year or so, whenever the two of us are out shopping or at dinner, he has refused to come into the ladies restroom with me, insisting on going into the men’s room by himself.
Yet other times, he’ll dance around naked as he gets ready for his shower or strip in the middle of the playroom to change into his Darth Vader costume or simply moon us, just for fun. (And don’t get me started on his habit of leaving the bathroom door wide open.)
I kind of feel like we’re at a crossroads here. On one hand, I know he’s starting to get to an age (even though we’re not quite there yet) when he may find it awkward or embarrassing to see his mom naked, and may also want more privacy for himself — all of which is good. Yet the sentimental mom side of me doesn’t want to face the fact that he’s growing up.
But I think I have to go with my gut, which is telling me that the time has come to start introducing more modesty in our home. However, rather than making a big deal out of it, I’m opting for baby steps: shutting the door when he’s in the bathroom with a pleasant “Here, let me give you some privacy!”, or throwing on a robe when I do my makeup, instead of primping in my bra and undies.
My hope is that we’ll eventually get to a point where this is simply common behavior without Buddy (and eventually Mimi) even realizing it. (Although I know I will someday miss Mimi streaking down the hall, with that cute little tush, yelling, “I’m a naked girl!”).
You know, it’s kind of funny. Even though it wasn’t my outright intention, part of me hopes that maybe our relaxed attitude toward nudity might have taught him -– and will continue to teach him -– about respecting other people’s privacy and boundaries, as well as his own. I hope he’ll understand that our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of, even when it matures and changes and does weird things. And mostly, I hope he’ll grow up being comfortable in his own skin … clothed or not.
I know this is a hot button topic, but I’m curious: Do you get naked around your kids? When did you (or will you) start covering up more?
Michele C. says
We are a pretty naked household. My son is 5, my daughter is almost 4, and neither of them care if we’re naked. Like you, I hope that it teaches them that these are our bodies – every bump, lump, and curve, and that they are natural and normal and to be respected. When we go to swim classes, it amazes me how much some of the other moms cover their kids up while changing. a) they aren’t naked for more than a second between the bathing suit coming off and the underwear going on and b) it’s just a body. But then again I don’t really care about the naked woman in the locker room either because it’s natural, it’s our body. We talk about who can/should help with getting dressed, going potty, etc., but I don’t want them to be ashamed of their bodies at all.
Jessica says
I feel the same way when I go to the gym and need to change in front of others in the locker room. I’m not shy at all. Which is strange, since I’ve always had body image issues? And remember communal dressing rooms (do they still even have those anymore)??
Katie @ Pick Any Two says
My son is still very young, so nudity is still no big thing. I completely agree with you that it’s all about convenience and reality! I too am hoping I will “just know” when the time is right for me to be a bit more modest around him.
Jessica says
Be prepared to answer some really funny questions! Some of my son’s, um, observations, totally caught me off-guard and I had to stop myself from laughing 🙂
Kristin says
I guess we are a naked house too, actually it sounds like we are in similar places. My daughter is 7 and my son is going to be 5 next month. Up to this point we’ve been pretty lax about nakedness, although my husband started being more careful around my daughter a couple of years ago. I, on the other hand, have often really had no choice but to dress/toilet/etc in front of the kids…part of being a mom, I guess. Now they are starting to get older and we are working on the idea of privacy.
But the idea of sending my 7 year old son into a men’s room all by himself someday makes me shudder. I know it will happen soon enough, I just don’t look forward to it!
Jessica says
Oh, you don’t even know. He’s been going in by himself for a year or so now and it still freaks me out. But I am hating having to send him in to change his clothes by himself because I have no way of knowing if something happened or if he needs me.
Jackie says
You crack me up. Love the honesty in this post! You rock. I’m actually very shy when it comes to changing in front of others. I’m sorry but I can’t get naked in front of the octogenarians at the Y. I actually go into the bathroom stall to get changed! But my daughter and I get changed in front of each other at home.
Heather @ Kraus House Mom says
I wish my kids would start to get some modesty. They’re 8, 7 and going on 6 and the amount of times someone is without clothes is astounding. Running up and down the hall when your supposed to be getting dressed for school is a bit much.
Melissa Hillas says
No kids, but that’s a tough one! I understand the reasoning, but it doesn’t make it any more convenient! 😉
Jennifer says
We were pretty casual about being naked in front of our kids for probably a long time. It just was never a big deal really, and when you are by yourself with two little boys at a rest stop on 95, you just take them in the stall with you and don’t really think twice about it. They are a lot older now, though, and I had remembered reading somewhere that you will know when to cover yourself up by when they start becoming more private about their own body, and that is what happened. It sounds like that is exactly what is happening with you, so it sounds like it was good advice!
Dollops of Diane says
I’m more of a covered up type of gal. I don’t ever remember my mother getting changed in front of us so that’s just how I was raised and how I’m raising my kids. There are definitely times that I do need to get dressed with the kids around but I try to get privacy when I can. I don’t think there’s anything wrong either way – just what people are most comfortable with!
Norine of Science of Parenthood says
My son just turned 8 and he still comes with me into the Women’s Room (most times) because I’m not comfortable letting him go unattended into most men’s bathrooms yet — single seater in a restaurant we know, where I can see all exits, sure; big public restroom in an airport, no way. And we still walk around naked in the house — and even take tandem showers — saves water and I can make sure he really washes. I’m hoping this fosters a comfortable body image and it has led to convos about why I don’t have a penis and he does. I’ve noticed that he doesn’t want his friends to see him changing into a bathing suit … or his older cousins. But so far, he’s still fine about being naked at home. Sometimes a little “too” fine as he’d like to spend more time running around nekkid than getting into the shower or into his PJs at bedtime.
Jessica H says
I see no problem with allowing little boys in the women’s locker room up to age 8. I still take my 6 year old son in to the locker room with my daughter and I all of the time, and no-one seems to mind. My son is respectful, and he does not stare at anyone. He’s more concerned with his own privacy than he is of looking at anyone else in there. He always changes in and out of his swimsuit in a toilet stall.
I would say by age 8 I will no longer allow him to see me naked. He never sees more than quick glimpses of me now.
My daughter is 10 years old, and it’s no problem at all if she sees me naked. I don’t see any reason to keep my daughter from seeing me in the nude. If anything, I think it’s actually better for her to see that her mom is comfortable with her own body. Up until she recently turned 10, I would allow her to sometimes hop into the shower with me at home. It wasn’t very often, but we have a pool in our backyard that we use in the summer, and it just saved time for her to shower-off with me after we swam.
I grew up in a pretty casual family. I never saw my dad nude, but I saw my mom and sister nude a lot. And there were a few occasions when I was in a locker room with my aunts and female cousins when I was a kid, and we showered in a group shower room.
I think that that helped my own body image over the years. I don’t think it’s good for a young girl to see her mom and other female role models hiding in shame from one another.