As any working mom knows, some weeks are tougher than others. There are some days that go smoothly and you think, “Wow, I can do this!” But then there are days when you have an early morning meeting and need to scramble for bus coverage. Or you have to explain to your oldest child why you can’t volunteer in the classroom like Aidan’s mom. Or you have to swallow the guilt as you bring your slightly sick child to daycare, don’t say mum about the cough she had all night, and keep your fingers crossed that you don’t get a call three hours later to come pick her up.
I’m having one of those weeks. Don’t get me wrong: I love having a career, but there are times when the challenges and the logistics and the guilt (there’s that ugly word) that come with balancing work and family can be very overwhelming. Not to be dramatic, but sometimes I imagine this is what it must feel like to be drowning: you fight and try your best to stay afloat, yet you keep sinking.
I know this is a hot button issue and trust me, I don’t want to get into a working mom vs. stay-at-home mom debate because, honestly, we all work incredibly hard, we all love our children and we’re all good moms doing what’s best for our families. But since I’m struggling this week, and I have a feeling I’m not alone, I wanted to share the 10 reasons why I find it hard to be a working mom:
- Every day is like an episode of “The Amazing Race.” That’s how I view weekdays: like a race against the clock. No matter how much I prep and organize the night before, it’s always hurry, hurry, hurry, from morning to night, and there’s never seems to be any breathing room. We’re always rushing, and it’s a very disconcerting and stressful feeling.
- Forgetfulness. Yes, I make lists. I have an iPhone with reminders. But when you’re managing four different schedules and have a lengthy to-do list in the office, something always seem to slip through the cracks: a forgotten play date, a missed work deadline, the library book that’s past due.
- The house is a pit. With two kids and a dog who sheds, my house is pretty disgusting most days, but it’s a challenge to find the time, or energy, to bust out the vacuum cleaner at 9pm and start cleaning. Yes, I know we could hire a cleaning service, but they are expensive, and we’re finding it hard to rationalize the cost. So right now I just ignore the mess during the week then spend precious time on the weekends cleaning.
- Your child calls you by his teacher’s name. This happened a lot when Buddy was in daycare. He’d come home and say, “Miss Marcy, I mean, Mommy …” Innocent slip, but it still hurts.
- It’s hard to feel like part of the school community. Sure, I can take days off to chaperone a field trip or volunteer in the classroom, but it’s not something I can do regularly. I can’t help but feel that I’ll never really get to know my son’s teacher, or many of the other parents, by occasionally popping up here and there.
- Your child does something new and exciting – and you realize it wasn’t anything you taught her. I’m not talking languages or counting – I mean life skills. Just recently, Mimi took her napkin and very confidently toddled over to the trash can to throw it way. Sure, it’s a simple act, but it was impressive for a 16-month-old – and it was clear she was taught to do this at daycare, because we certainly hadn’t showed her how to do that.
- Honest kids = guilt. Lately, Buddy has been asking me about why I can’t see him off on the bus more often in the mornings, or why he can’t take the bus home from school, rather than going straight to his after-school program. And he was visibly upset that I wasn’t able to chaperone his recent field trip. Ouch.
- It’s a cliché, but you never feel like you are giving 100%, whether it’s to your employer, to your kids, to your husband and – most importantly – to yourself. When I’m at work, I’m thinking about my kids, and when I’m home, my mind will inevitably drift to a project I’m working on.
- Forget about family dinners – or eating before 6:30pm. Most weeknights we eat in shifts: kids first, then parents, but rarely together. Believe me, it’s not by choice; it’s simply the reality of our schedule. I guess that means my kids are destined for teenage pregnancy, drug use, flunking out of school and a lifetime of crime, if you believe the research on the importance of “family dinner time.”
- Feeling like you never see your kids during the week. This is the one that hurts the most. We’re home together for an hour in the morning, but I don’t count that as “being with them,” since all we do is run around, trying to get ready for the day. Fast-forward to the end of the day: we’re home around 6pm and the kids are in bed by 8pm, but in that time we’re cooking dinner, eating, doing baths, reading books, etc. So that probably equals, maybe, an hour of “quality time” a day, divided by two kids. Yeah, I have a tough time with this one.
My guess is that most parents have probably experienced some of these emotions or situations at one time or another – regardless of whether you’re a mom or a dad or if you work inside or outside the home.
So, all you moms (and dads) out there, time to weigh in. Do you find some weeks are harder than others? How do you juggle it all?
Stephanie says
I love this, Jess – because every word you wrote speaks the truth. You took the thoughts right out of my mouth. Being a mom is rewarding and wonderful, but it’s a damn hard job – throw a full time career on top of that and it’s even more challenging. We just have to do our best, as we all are. At least twice a week and usually much more often, I battle the working mom guilt in my head. It’s nice to know I’m not alone! When all is said and done, our kids are imcredible and they love us!
Lynn says
Yes! Some weeks are harder than others; for me, this is one of those extra tough weeks. Thank you for writing this post. Like Stephanie said, it is nice to know there are other full-time working moms out there who struggle every day to do it all. Numbers 7, 8 and 10 on your list are probably the hardest for me to handle. Number 3 is primary reason I’m always feeling sleep deprived: I’m the crazy mom who’s up late at night or early in the morning to clean the house while the rest of my family sleeps. I’m not recommending this!
Andi says
This was great! #2, #3, and #5 were my favorites (and what’s odd about #5, is that I’m a teacher, but yet, I never felt connected to my kids classrooms and I hated it). We just moved to a new state, so for this school year, I am staying at home and tutoring on the side. However, I miss the craziness of being a working mom…staying at home is not for me.
Keep up the good work! I know you’re a wonderful momma!
~From a fellow Girl Gone Sporty Crew Member~
jen says
Great post Jess. I am so thankful that we are not alone in this crazy roller coaster ride we call life. We full time working moms have to stick together. I have to say that I am getting a good laugh about #9 😉
Mandy @MoneyMasterMom says
Found your blog via the bloggy moms blog hop. That`s a tough list to read. Have you considered freezer meals to make the evenings a little easier. I do that, and blog about it too, and find it makes a real difference in evening sanity.
Jessica says
Thanks for visiting and for the suggestion 😉 I always meant to prep freezer meals on Sunday but it never actually ends up happening. I will have to check out your blog for some good freezer meal ideas!
Rita Arens says
My daughter is eight now, and I felt that way all the time when she was younger — but either I’m just used to it now or it really does get better. Part of the “getting better” for me has been limiting after-school activities to one so we aren’t rushing all over the place on weeknights. Also, she goes to bed later, so I have more time with her. And since we can talk about it, she can tell me with a little more perspective what she needs most from me and I can arrange myself to be present when it really counts. Now I tell her stories about how she used to throw herself against the door at daycare when I left her and how I would crouch outside her room and cry and cry and we laugh. I admit that sounds very wrong, but it’s a huge relief to me that she doesn’t remember any of that and thinks it’s hilarious to hear me tell how upset she would get, complete with voices.
Jessica says
Thank you, Rita, for posting this and sharing your experience! It sounds like there is light at the end of the tunnel 🙂 I’m so glad to hear it gets easier as they get older!
Holly says
I’m a mother of an 8 year old. I have experienced all you mentioned above. I learned when he said he was the “only kid” in kindergarten who didn’t have a mom on the annual field trip, that I would be taking those field trip days off. Until he becomes embarrassed that I’m there. Yes, the evenings go fast, now it’s dinner, cleanup and homework fighting. I think in some ways it gets easier, but the guilt of the house being a pit, forgetfulness, and the child who isn’t always perfect still remain. But I love the life and the family I have!
Jessica says
Thanks for commenting! It’s crazy: for my son’s kindergarten class, there were so many parents who wanted to chaperone the field trip that they had to draw names out of a hat. But I’m thankful that I’ve taken the time off to volunteer in his classroom a few times. Such a fun (and eye-opening) experience. And he was so happy to have me there. I know that won’t be the case for long …
Cynthia says
You just described my life. Some days I’m all “Sheryl Sandberg” and think we shouldn’t give up on our careers. And some days I’m jealous of the moms who get to stay home or at least work part time. I’m the breadwinner so that will never be an option for me. I have the career and title I’ve always wanted but now I can’t help but think it’s at the expense of precious time with my family. It’s hard every day. Oh, and you should splurge on the cleaning person. Every other week makes it more digestable from a financial perspective but you will love the family time it gives you back.
Jessica says
I agree … everyone I know who has cleaning help raves about it and claims it’s the best money they spend all month. I may print out your comment and just “happen” to leave it around for my husband to stumble upon 😉 Thanks for visiting!