Update: This is one of those posts that I often hear from readers about. I thought it was only appropriate to repost it today. (Originally published Sept. 11. 2013).
Buddy has been into non-fiction lately. He’s been especially fascinated by this book called “Where?” that my mother-in-law picked up sometime last year or two at a yard sale.
I remember the first time we looked at it together. We breezed through, learning about things like “Where does dust come from?” and “Where do kangaroos live?”
But then we got to this page.
At first, Dr. G. and I didn’t know what to do. The book was published in 1985, well before Sept. 11, 2001, so this was factual at the time, but we were conflicted. It just felt wrong to pretend that the words we’re reading aloud are true and simply continue with the book. But on the other hand, how do you explain the terrible tragedies that unfolded that day to a then-6-year-old … especially when it’s something so many us are still struggling to comprehend ourselves, 13 years later?
In the end, we didn’t want to lie to him, even it was only a lie of omission, so we told him that because the book was published a long time ago, some things have changed and those two buildings don’t exist anymore.
“Why?” he asked, curious.
“Well, many years ago, two planes hit the buildings and they fell down.”
He paused. Then asked, with a serious look on this face, “Did people die?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“A lot?” he pressed.
“Yes.”
Another pause. “But who would do such a thing?”
Now we were stumped. Do I really want my innocent little boy to know that there are truly evil people out there? How do we tell him there are terrorist groups — both here on our soil and in far, far away countries — that hate Americans and want to hurt our country because we believe different things? That’s a tough concept to grasp for a kid who associates the word “hate” with things like spaghetti sauce and spicy food.
But he answered his own question. “Was it bad guys?”
“Yes,” we answered, slightly relieved.
Being a 6-year-old boy who was, at the time, obsessed with superheroes and villains, that response seemed to make sense to him. So we moved on to, “Where does chocolate come from?”
So now, whenever we read the book, he tells us, “Those are the towers that the bad guys knocked down with airplanes.”
I know as he gets older and 9/11 becomes something they learn about in school, he is going to have more questions for us. Maybe he’ll ask why we never mentioned the Pentagon and the heroes of United Flight 93. Maybe he’ll want to know if this could happen again, and I’ll have to reassure him that our government is working really hard and has taken steps to keep us safe. Maybe he’ll ask us where we were when this happened, and what did we do.
I still vividly recall so many details of that day, like how I frantically called my friends in New York and Washington (two cities I used to live in) to make sure they were safe. How I watched the second tower collapse live on television. How I left work early, and a friend and I walked the five miles from my office in Boston to my apartment in Brookline because we were too scared to take public transportation. How we were all glued to the news for days and weeks and months after, desperate for more information but also finding it unbearable at the same time. How terms like “Homeland Security” and “Terror Alert Levels” and “Al Qaeda” have become part of our vernacular. How we came together, united as a country, to mourn and, eventually, to heal.
Basically, how our world changed forever.
Today I remember those lost on 9/11 and those who have sacrificed their lives to protect and defend our freedom and the country that we love. But I will not be turning on the TV or radio. I don’t think Buddy is ready for all the disturbing details of 9/11, including the images and video, which I think would be terrifying to him — and a far cry from the colorful drawing of the World Trade Center in his “Where?” book or the cartoon-like idea he surely has in his head when he imagines what happened when the planes struck the towers.
Instead, when we read the “Where?” book tonight, I’ll tell him how it was 13 years ago that this terrible event happened, and while it was a sad and scary time for our country, there were so many amazing heroes who risked everything to help people, and we all learned to appreciate our lives — and each other.
I think that’s all both of us are ready for at this time.
Have you explained the events of 9/11 to your kids?
Nicole@RunningWhileMommy says
Love this post thank you! My kids do not know anything about today. They are 7 and 5. We don’t have a book like that to raise any questions. I am curious what today at school will bring for my 8 year old and I wonder if I dropped the ball and should of told him about the day.
Today, I will remember the lives that we lost and the families that were broken. I will be thankful that my family and friends are safe and I will pray that what we have done in the years after this horrific day, is going to my children safer.
Krista says
I served in the USN at this time and was deployed shortly after I did not have children at this time and now I have 5 but I didn’t just lose some of my friends fighting after 9/11 I lost the ability to sugar coat. So I have 5 children and we talk about it, we discuss what happens and I am not afraid of letting them know that there are terrible people who do really mean things. I wish that I could say less and sugar coat a little more as you did with your son. But I think my children need to know exactly why I put on that uniform and that I am not just fighting for their freedom and I am not just going to protect them against something small but something that loves “hate” loves to hurt. I enjoyed your post but being a veteran who served in this war I don’t feel I am grated the same luxury as you by just kind of touching over it even though my children are small. I respect those who do just touch a little over it and understand why, today is a day of thought and feelings for me. My children respect me as a veteran more and have to know what our freedom cost.
Jessica says
Krista, I am so glad you shared your experience here. You have a perspective many other parents do not, and I am sure your children are incredibly proud of you (as we all should be). Thank you so much for all that you’ve done for our country. Thinking of you on this emotional day.
sheri says
When I dropped the boys off at school this morning I told them to really belt out the flag song today. We are still at the point where we address them as the bad guys and we solute our soldiers.
Chelley @ AIsForAdelaide says
I am saving this post. It is so hard to think what I will tell my innocent girl, but I know the day will come. Your passion to remember and know the importance of telling our kids how our world was forever changed, inspires me to be strong.
Niri says
I love that you kept it honest yet child level. I still get goosebumps from that day and it will be a day I will never forget
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
I have not explained it to my kids. My youngest is only 7, so I think that is too young to get into something like that with him, but my oldest learned about it in school.
Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? says
My daughter must have brought home this same book or another one with facts in it like this. I’m pretty sure we explained it very simply as well…bad men, bad things, a lot of people lots their lives. I wish we didn’t have to teach them something like this.
kimberly @ red shutters says
I’ve had to explain 9/11 to my kids (interestingly, they too had a book that referenced the Twin Towers – and it prompted the questions) and I agree with your approach of being honest, but age-appropriate. Thanks for sharing this.
Jane - mom generations says
That day is one so many of us will never forget, so it’s so crazy to think that there’s a whole generation who will need to learn about it through their parents and grandparents, and so on. I’m going to keep this post in mind for the day I will have to explain it to my son.