In a somewhat misguided effort to limit his TV viewing time, I made the offhanded comment several years ago that watching too much TV will turn you into a zombie.
Yes, not one of my finest parenting moments. Of course, he totally believed me, which made me feel that much worse. But it worked. All we had to do was mention the word zombie (and I don’t even think he knew what a zombie was) and he’d shut the TV off.
We haven’t had to play the zombie card for a while, but this randomly came up last week right before we left for New Hampshire. I heard my son tell my husband that “Mommy said I’ll turn into a zombie if I watch too much TV,” to which my husband (seemingly forgetting this earlier fib) informed him that this was, in fact, false.
So Buddy came marching into the office where I was working and demanded an explanation. Eeeek. I mumbled something about that I didn’t “really” mean he’d turn into a zombie, but just that watching too many cartoons isn’t healthy for your brain.
Thankfully, he nodded his head, like this made sense, and ran off. Meanwhile, I wiped a bead of sweat that had formed on my forehead. My child had caught me in a lie – and a bad one, at that. Not something to be proud of.
And that got me thinking. What other lies do we tell our kids? If you really think about it, there are quite a few … whether we admit it to ourselves or not.
So here are the 10 lies I realize I’ve told my kids – and the truth I’d really like to tell them:
- “Try it, you’ll like it!” Truth: I know this probably tastes gross, I never liked my veggies as a kid either, but it’s a vegetable and it’s good for you, so please just try a forkful so I can say you ate something relatively healthy for dinner.
- “It won’t hurt.” Truth: Yes, I know pulling off a Band-Aid hurts like the dickens. Sorry, sweetie.
- “Sorry, there are no more cookies left. No, I’m not sure what happened to them.” Truth: I was PMS-ing and needed a chocolate fix and finished the rest of the box then put said box into the recycling bin out in the garage so there is no visible evidence.
- “The end.” Truth: Yes, I really did take advantage of the fact that you can’t read yet and skipped every other page because this book is so terribly long and boring.
- “I’ll be right there.” Truth: I am going to stay here in the bathroom/bedroom/car for at least five more minutes until I hear someone crying, the doorbell ring or the sound of breaking glass.
- “Mommy can see everything!” Truth: Ahh, the old “Mom has eyes in the back of her head” line. Yes, that would be pretty creepy (not to mention gross) if I really did have eyes in the back of my head. In reality, honey, Mommy just made a really lucky guess – and can recognize a guilty look when she sees one.
- “Honey, it doesn’t matter who wins. It’s all about how you play the game.” Truth: Trust me, I know that losing sucks.
- “If you eat [fill-in-the-blank brand of sugary, junky cereal], you will get cavities.” Truth: I know Trix and Cocoa Pebbles taste really awesome, but they offer absolutely no nutritional value and I don’t think your teacher will appreciate it if I send you to school on a sugar high. And it’s true: sugar isn’t particularly good for your teeth. I don’t lose much sleep over this one.
- “Oh no, it must be out of batteries. Darn.” Truth: I put that highly annoying and incredibly creepy mechanical kitty that purrs and roams around the house on its own in the middle of the night like a toy possessed out of its misery. Even if it means never keeping another AAA battery in our house.
- Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. Truth: I really wish our Elf on a Shelf was watching you, but instead of reporting back to Santa, he was my eyes and ears all day while you’re at school, on a play date, or anytime you’re out of sight so I would know if you’re behaving and being polite. As for the others, hmmm, I can’t really explain a giant bunny that breaks into our home, delivers candy and hides stinky eggs, either. Or how a big, fat man in a red suit squeezes down our chimney. You’re on your own with these, my dears.
Before anyone gets too upset or complains about my horrible parenting, know this: I do not endorse lying to your kids. And it’s not something I am particularly proud of. I know our kids learn by example and of course I want them to grow up to be honest, honorable people. But at the same time, I’ve never fibbed to my kids about something really important. Sometimes a little white lie or bending the truth is just, well, the reality that comes with parenthood … unless you’d really like to explain to a 4-year-old where babies come from.
‘Fess up: What lies have you told your kids?
Heather @ Kraus House Mom says
I make up such elaborate lies that my kids have no idea what to believe half the time. It keeps them on their toes.
Sharon - MomGenerations.com says
I’m smiling at your genius! I kind of forget what I say now that I’m a Grandma, but last week my 4-year old grandson Henry asked, “Grandma, can you help me collect sticks, pine cones and rocks for my collection? But remember that we can’t get pine cones from the vampire’s lawn. Do vampires exist or were you kidding?” For the life of me, I can’t remember talking about pine cones and vampires’ lawns, but I must have. He was giving me details! Great post!
Leah DeCesare says
Well, you’re not lying with this post! So truthful! My oldest was crushed and angry with me when she learned about Santa, she yelled and sobbed simultaneously as she accused: “You LIED to me!” Ouch – yes, but for a really special, magical reason …. and now she loves being on the magical side of things.
OldDogNewTits says
Hi, guys. I just had a similar experience with my boy and Santa. It was such an emotional time that I used it for my parenting column that I share with my friend Mel at AccordingToMags.com. Forgive the plug … https://www.manilla.com/blog/letting-santa-out-of-the-bag/
I “lied” to him, too. And I wouldn’t change a thing. Sometimes we do it to protect them. And sometimes (like #3 above) we do it to protect ourselves. 🙂
After all, moms needs cookies, too. And chocolate… and cheese … and the frosting-heavy piece of the leftover cookie cake … and …
Dollops of Diane says
I tell so many lies I don’t know what the truth is anymore 😉
Ginger Kay says
When my children were little, I used to tell them I had “MomPowers,” so it was no use trying to sneak or lie to me. That is true, in a sense. I also told them that too much tv rotted the brain, which is also true, in a sense. 😉