So much has been written about the horrible ways that giving birth and becoming a mother “ruins our bodies.” We complain how our bodies are “never the same.” We use phrases like “muffin top” and “love handles.” We see magazine headlines proclaiming that so-and-so actress is “rocking a bikini” three weeks after giving birth, and then we look down at our own post-baby bodies and wonder – even though we know she has trainers and personal chefs and nannies, and that her career depends on her ability to back into her skinny jeans right away – Why can’t I do that?
Yet we never focus on the positives. Why is that? Have you ever sat around with a group of girlfriends and marveled about how amazing it is that your body was able to literally create a whole new person? How the cellulite and wider hips are completely worth it to have these incredible little people in your life?
Me neither. Instead, we tend to play yet another round of body-bashing.
And believe me when I say I am the worst offender. This dawned on me recently when I was trying on swimsuits for our upcoming vacation. I’ve never had a particularly good body image to begin with, so as I stood in front of the mirror and dared to open my eyes to check out my new two-piece, I found myself immediately zeroing in on my “problem areas.” My eyes darted from the cellulite hanging out near my tush to the silvery stretch marks snaking around my torso to a tummy that won’t lay flat so matter how much I suck it in.
Know what didn’t cross my mind? How much fun I was going to have splashing around with my kids in the warm sunshine. The look on my son’s face going down his first waterslide and taking his first surfing lesson. My daughter making sandcastles on the seashore.
Instead I was so focused on how I looked in that stupid swimsuit. And I realized how ridiculous this was. Because who was I trying to impress? Did I think my husband and kids were really going to care about (or notice) my stretch marks and jiggly bits? Or would they just be happy that Mommy was willing to dive into the pool and go boogy-boarding with them?
And what sort of message would I be sending to them if they saw me frowning at myself in the mirror or refusing to take off my cover-up to join in on the fun?
It’s hard to accept the body changes that come with motherhood, but we don’t have to treat it like such a negative thing, either. I’m tired of beating myself up over not having the body I had when I was 22. Yes, my body is different now that I’m a mom approaching her late 30s … and I need to remind myself that it’s okay. My stretch marks and varicose veins are a roadmap – a living history of where I’ve been. My fleshy tummy is a reminder that two beautiful kids once resided there.
It’s time to start accepting, and celebrating, my “mom body” as it is today — and for what it has done and will continue to do. For example:
- While my body may look different, I am in better shape now – both physically and emotionally – than I ever was back in the days when my boobs were perkier and my hips were narrower. I am happier and healthier and more content. I am stronger and wiser and (and on most days) more confident.
- I never liked the constellation of beauty marks that dot my face, legs, back, arms … pretty much everywhere. But my kids think they’re fantastic and love to pretend to “connect the dots.” It’s a very popular game.
- Wanting to live a long, healthy and active life with my kids has inspired me to attempt physical feats my 22-year-old self would have laughed at, like running a half marathon. But this mama knows she can do it.
- My tummy: C’mon, let’s be honest, it was never really flat to begin with. I’ve always had a little pooch. So I don’t know why I would think after two c-sections that I’d suddenly have rock hard abs. Anyway, my squishy lower tummy makes a comfy place for Mimi to rest her head when we’re camped out in bed watching a movie, like a little pillow. It’s one of our favorite ways to snuggle.
- I always hated my round face and chubby cheeks … until I saw them mirrored in my son, and it totally changed my perspective. Instead of seeing my “pumpkin head,” I see a handsome little boy with cheeks you can’t help but want to pinch, and whose face completely lights up when he breaks into a wide smile. I may not love my round face, but instead of seeing it as a negative, I now think about it as bond between the two of us. And when I look at him, I’ll always see part of me reflected back. (Plus, as my mom told me over and over again growing up, “You’ll be happy when you’re older because it’ll make you look younger.” And while I hate to admit it, she was right, since I still continue to get asked for my ID when ordering a drink.)
Did your body image change after having kids? Anyone else struggling to love their mom body?
Jessica says
Great post. I totally understand where you’re coming from here. I’m trying to fix this in myself right now since my youngest just turned one and I’m coming to grips with where my body is now. Attitude REALLY helps and I’m doing my best not to sweat it.
Jackie Hennessey says
You hit me right in the heart (and lower-hanging belly) with this one. Thank you for putting things into perspective. You rock! And so do I! We all do! We created human beings! Life is too short! Thank you!
Sheri says
Really great post Jessica. You make a good point. We created these cute little humans, so worth the hair that’s all in the drain and a ponytail that looks like it belongs on an infant.
Sharon - MomGenerations.com says
This is the most powerful and positive body-image post I’ve ever read. This is a piece that should be shared and shared and shared. “It’s time to start accepting, and celebrating, my “mom body” as it is today”; celebrating you – STRONG, HEALTHY, WISE, taking on one of most important roles of life, motherhood. As mothers, we teach what we live. Yes, our muscles shift and our body fat indexes fluctuate and our thighs and tummies are squishier, but our hearts have grown so much bigger with the love and confidence of what matters INSIDE our bodies. As a grandmother now, I celebrate each day that I was able to be part of creating these 9, going on 10, little miracles through my children. Spending time marveling at them, playing with them and loving them makes me feel younger and more beautiful than I’ve ever felt in my life. Your Mom says it all; that’s the strength, health and wisdom of aging… not a celebrity body. Wonderful post…
melissa at filling our bucket says
This is an amazing post and it is SO TRUE. I look at all of my flaws all of the time, I never look at the good parts of my body. This is really great!
Heather @ Kraus House Mom says
I don’t mind the stretch marks, the boobs are a whole different issue. They have got to go! I have fabulous boobs before I had kids and I fully plan on having them again, even if I need to get fake ones. I can diet and tone up the rest, but I can’t fix that myself. When I was told I needed a pacemaker, the first thing I said was, “Does this mean I can’t get a boob job?” Luckily I didn’t need a pacemaker and can get new boobs instead.
Leah DeCesare says
Amen! It’s like we don’t go back to our “normal” body, we have a new normal!
I once heard it described as the third body – pre-pregnant, pregnant then post pregnant. Those stretch marks and scars are evidence of living and giving life!
Beautifully written post!
Michele C. says
thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. A friend of mine is always complaining about how she will never love her post-baby body, how she will never embrace the changes. For me, my stretch marks are my battle scars, they show the 80+ weeks I spent growing human life. When I sit still and place my hand over my stretch marks, I can remember those kicks, those movements, so vividly. My feet are bigger. I’m wider over all. Losing weight is harder because my metabolism has changed. But so what. I’m a mom, and I can work on being healthier for sure. But I can also realize that these body changes are amazing and that there are so very many people who wish they could get pregnant and have stretch marks. Thanks for sharing this post, I needed to hear this.
candice says
So I’m pregnant for the second time right this very moment. This is a tender subject as I am already thinking ahead to when I can start on my fitness pal and working out after June! So, I digress…
Kameron says
I definitely struggle. I will likely not be in a two piece that’s not a Tankini any time soon, but I’m ok with it. I have 2 gorgeous kids and my hubby loves me the way I am. 🙂
Kristin Wheeler (Mama Luvs Books) says
I really need to get to be okay with mine! I guess what I am not okay with is that my post-baby body was better than my almost 40 body! =( I’m working on it!
Jennifer says
Jessica, you are an inspiration and a terrific writer I might add! You are a shining example for moms everywhere and wise beyond your years. Keep on blogging, you have a captive audience.