I miss my boy.
Buddy is spending the week at his Grandma’s house in Pennsylvania, something he has been sooooo excited about. And, frankly, it’s something we’ve been excited about too. Because he’s been a handful lately.
Does this happen to all school-age kids in the summer?
I don’t know if it’s because camp completely wipes him out or if it’s because he has a less structured schedule (compared to school) or if it’s simply a phase he’s going through. But I feel like the summer has consisted of the following: not listening, complaining, talking back, picking on his sister and pushing our buttons.
All typical kid stuff, yes, but it doesn’t make it any less challenging, or frustrating. And it only intensified last week on vacation.
I realized this morning (when I kept waiting for him to burst into my room like he usually does) that most of our conversations over the past week while we were away consisted of things like, “Don’t do that!” or “C’mon, Buddy, keep up!” or “Stop bothering your sister!”. Or at least that’s what happened when I wasn’t trying to ignore his asking “How many more minutes until we get there?” every five minutes.
Okay, I’m sure I wasn’t a “Negative Nellie” the entire time and I’m probably remembering the worst of it. And I know Buddy had a fun time on vacation, since he told us as much. But I think it’s a safe bet that I was probably nagging him and giving him warnings more than I was giving him high fives and praise.
It makes me cringe, because I had no idea I was doing it at the time. Sure, I’ve read about all the “correct” ways parents should handle these situations – you know, thoughtful, positive, PhD-approved responses that will encourage his development and may actually lead to the behavior we want to see, like paying attention when he’s walking down the street.
But in the heat of the moment, I have a hard time staying steady and calm while coming up with a “perfect” Parenting 101-response, like, “I’m soooo glad you love karate, but this busy New York street probably isn’t the best place to practice your moves.”
Instead, I lose my patience and often opt for the easy route — like saying “No” and “Don’t” and raising my voice — which I think he’s slowly starting to become deaf to, because it’s clearly losing it’s effectiveness.
Sigh.
Part of me wants to beat myself up for being such a naysayer, but really, what is that going to accomplish? Nothing, except to indulge my latest Mommy Guilt Trip. Because as much as we try and convince ourselves that it’s true, the reality is that “parenting perfection” is nothing but an illusion, a myth, a nice concept we want to believe in, like Santa Claus and unicorns. All we can do is try our best, love and encourage our kids, and keep them safe and happy.
So instead, I’m going to wait for him to come home, give him a hug, and then move on and look at this as a learning experience. Even though there is no such thing as being a “perfect parent,” there are always things we can do differently — and maybe next time I’ll be more mindful of all the “Nos” and “Don’ts.”
melissa at marching to a different beat says
I’m right there with you. I try to keep my cool as much as possible, but sometimes when the constant whining or complaining gets under my skin I can’t help the snappy retort! It’s tough.
Enjoy your week, and give him big hugs when he gets home!!
Jessica says
Nice to know I’m in good company 🙂 Now only 48 hrs until my boy comes home!!
Sarah sweetlilyou says
I find myself saying “no! Stop! Don’t touch! Stop yelling” a lot lately. Even though I know I’m supposed to be saying “I understand that you’re frustrated….” Haha we are not negative, we are normal! Normal moms with normal kids. However, I do hope these phases pass quickly!!
Jessica says
I love that – “normal moms with normal kids.” Well said, Sarah 🙂
Sharon - MomGenerations.com says
Hugs are in order… probably more for you than you son! Kids are so resilient that he won’t remember all the nos and don’ts – just the hugs and smiles…
Jessica says
You’re so right about kids being resilient! I am so excited to give him hugs – 2 more days …
Michele C. says
oh yes, I am so there. My almost 5 yo has decided to become a constant whiny, complaining disaster. And it’s exhausting. I feel like all of my communications with him are “stop that, please don’t whine, could you ask nicely?” UGH. It’s a phase – for them, and for us. hang in there.
Jessica says
Thanks, Michele. These’s phases are so tough. I wish they came with a warning so we could prepare ourselves ahead of time 🙂
Kristin Wheeler (Mama Luvs Books) says
Oh, you are so right! There are NO perfect parents! We just do the best we can and let our kids know we love them!
Jessica says
Absolutely. Although sometimes I have to keep reminding myself that this is true 😉
mel says
I am so there with you! Between 2 kids who whine A LOT, I feel like I am always losing my cool! I hope you enjoy your week!!!!
Jessica says
Thanks! It was a quiet week, for sure. Counting the minutes now …
Mary Larsen says
This happens to all of us – I feel like I even get that way towards my husband from time to time – oops!
Its good to catch yourself, like you did, and to hit a “reset” button. Glad you have this week to recharge, and I hope your little man comes home ready to flood you with hugs as well!
Jessica says
LOL – I think I do that w/my husband, too!