Sorry my posting has been sporadic lately. I’ve been busy.
There’s that four-letter word. BUSY.
When did “busy” become our go-to adjective, a way to describe our weekend or state of being, akin to “great” and “excellent” and “fun” and even the generic “fine”?
Do you how many times over the last year or so, when someone asks how I am, or how my weekend was, my answer is usually something like “Ohhhhh, crazy busy,” punctuated by a woeful sigh — a comment that is often met by a knowing smile from the person asking.
What the heck does that mean? Crazy busy? Am I bragging? Complaining?
I have no clue. All I know is that it’s the truth.
And I know I’m not alone. But does that make it right?
The irony is that we’re usually the cause of our own busyness. Aside from work and caring for our families, our busyness is mostly the result of optional or unnecessary obligations or responsibilities. Of things like sports leagues and lessons. Volunteer duties and social events and extracurricular activities.
Of our inability––and, in particular, my inability––to say no.
And so the self-created vicious cycle of busyness continues.
Why do we do this to ourselves? To make us feel important, needed? Because we’re trying to keep up with the Joneses? Because being busy is somehow a status symbol? Because (as my friend S pointed out) we’re afraid our kids will miss out on something awesome if we don’t do everything? Because, as a society, multitasking is seen as a positive trait and being stressed is somehow associated with success? Because we’re scared of, or uncomfortable with, being still and quiet?
(Ahhh, first world problems, right?)
I don’t have the answer, but it makes you stop and wonder, huh?
In the interest of full disclosure, I will say that as the type-A first-born child that I am, I’ve always been a multitasker. In high school, I participated in half a dozen or so groups and clubs, serving in a leadership role simultaneously in several of them.
I’ve never been able to simply watch a TV show without doing something at the same time, be it flipping through a magazine or doing my nails or scrolling on my phone.
I also think this is why I’ve always been a nail-biter … it’s something to do.
So I guess you could say I am more susceptible to excessive busyness. Add on a couple of kids and a full-time job and countless other responsibilities and you have one stressed out, overwhelmed, maxed out, busy mom.
A couple of years ago, a physician at Mass General wrote in the Boston Globe that:
In the past few years, I’ve observed an epidemic of sorts: patient after patient suffering from the same condition. The symptoms of this condition include fatigue, irritability, insomnia, anxiety, headaches, heartburn, bowel disturbances, back pain, and weight gain. There are no blood tests or X-rays diagnostic of this condition, and yet it’s easy to recognize. The condition is excessive busyness. It’s one with which, as a fellow sufferer, I empathize especially.
Um, check, check, and check.
So what can we do? What can I do? While I am mindful of my busyness, I also feel trapped by it and don’t know how to break free.
Because I know this level of busyness is simply not sustainable. We can really only multitask so much. In addition to the physical effects, I’ve become sloppy and have started to see things fall through the cracks, which makes me crazy and — gah — even more stressed out.
And that leads to the guilt. Guilt that I forgot a special birthday or am totally distracted at night with my kids. Guilt that I wasn’t able to volunteer in the classroom or that I haven’t spoken to some of my closest friends in months or that I communicate mostly via text messages these days because we’re just so goshdarn busy.
Ahhh, it’s so easy to just say, Well, start saying no. Think about your priorities. Back out of commitments and plans. Don’t sign up for things like lessons and sports.
But there are obligations I cannot currently get out of and, frankly, some I really love (like this blog) and don’t want to give up. I’ve got a son who truly loves the sports that he plays. I’ve got friends I like to see, races I like to train for, etc.
I want the best of both worlds. But I don’t know if that is even possible.
Anyway, I don’t know what I hope to get out of this vent session. Maybe I just want the comfort, the reassurance, that some of you feel like I do. That I’m not the only one looking to break free of the busyness trap. And maybe secretly I’m hoping one of you will have the magical answer.
Because life is too short to be busy. And the next time someone asks how I am, or how my weekend was, I want to smile and reply, “Fantastic, thank you.”
Do you ever feel trapped by your schedule and commitments?
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Christa Jones says
Yup, I feel that way too. I was just saying that my calendar sort of makes me want to throw up. But most of it is my own doing. And I don’t want to give anything up. I’m trying to be in the moment more though and enjoy what I’m doing when I’m doing it.