Mommy’s Perspective
I love when I get Mimi’s daily report from daycare and it says, “Nap: 1-3:30pm.”
How? For the love of God, how do they do that? Do they drug her? Bribe her? Or does she just love sleeping on a mat on the floor?
Because I cannot get her to nap by herself on the weekend.
Here’s a typical Saturday afternoon at our house:
Me: Mimi, time for a rest.
Mimi: Noooooooooooooooooo! [in a bloodcurdling scream]
We read books, rock in her chair, and mimic some of our other night time routines. Mimi starts falling asleep in my arms so I begin to move to put her in the crib. Sensing the movement and knowing what’s coming next, she grabs me in a vice-like grip with a sleepy yet threatening, “No!”
I unclench her, lay her down and she immediately begins screaming, big crocodile tears flowing down her cheeks. “I want Mama!!!” she wails. I calmly put her back down, pat her back and leave the room.
And she screams. And cries. For however long she is in there. The tears are usually followed by a series of lovely gagging sounds, due to Mimi’s acid reflux, and if she gets too worked up, she starts hacking like she’s going to throw up.
I got this text from Dr. G. the other weekend while I was with Buddy at a birthday party.
Here’s the catch: if I lay down with her in my bed, she eventually falls asleep and I’m able to leave and she’ll stay there for like two hours. But she still has that sixth sense, where she knows the exact moment you’re planning your escape, because she will wrap both arms – tightly – around your neck. Thankfully, we’re usually able to wait her out, and she eventually passes out. In my bed.
And that’s how she’s been getting her weekend naps, unless we’re out and about, and then she’ll (sometimes) crash in the car.
I know, I know. Not exactly Parenting 101 here. We’ve set a bad standard. We started a bad habit. We’re being big pushovers. We need to tough it out. But I’ve seen her close to hyperventilating after a nap attempt and it ain’t pretty. Stubborn, stubborn girl.
And I won’t lie: we all desperately need her to take that nap. She needs it, so she won’t turn into a crankmeister at 3pm, and I need it because, well, frankly, I’ve got stuff to do.
Plus, Mimi Crankmeister is a scary, scary gal.
I go into every weekend giving myself a pep talk: “Okay, this is going to be the weekend we suck it up and keep her in the crib until she sleeps because, goddammit, we’re the parents here and we won’t be played by a 2-year-old girl. We won’t give in. Victory is ours!”
And every weekend I inevitably give in, falling on excuses like, “I just need her to rest because we have that birthday party at 4pm and if she doesn’t sleep she’s gonna be a disaster!” or “I’ve got soooo many chores to do this afternoon! I need that 2 hours!”
And just like that, our resolve crumbles … and the cycle continues …
Mimi’s Perspective
Nap? I no need a nap. I no sleep in crib. Crib boring. I want Mama. Mama’s bedroom has TV. Maybe Mama will put on Bubble Guppies because she thinks it will help me fall asleep but really I’m going to stay up and watch it because I love those silly Bubble Guppies.
C’mon, Mama, you’re not foolin’ anyone. I know you’re trying to trick me with our night-night things. But the sun is out! I don’t want to sleep. What if I miss something fun?
Getting sleepy … wait, huh?? You’re putting me in my crib now?? Oh HECK no! Maybe if I grab on tightly you won’t be able to put me down.
WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, you’re not coming back? I’m taking it up another notch. Because I Will. Not. Nap.
Uh oh … crying so hard … can’t stop now even if I want to … hiccup … gag …cough ….
Okay, seriously. I know I need to toughen up but please tell me someone else has a toddler who refuses to nap?? How do you handle it?
Mandy says
My toddler either naps for 2-3 hours or screams bloody murder, and there seems to be no rhyme or reason for why most days. I do all the same things every day, but some days he just won’t sleep. So you are definitely not alone.
Jessica says
It’s so frustrating, no? Sometimes when I lay down with her, I’m the one who ends up napping? 🙂
JennyHS says
It could be a myriad of things but I think consistency is key. you have to make a plan and stick to it or (as it happens in my house) go through the plan at least twice then give in. You might want to try moving up the nap start time 30 minutes, limit the books and don’t let her fall asleep on you. if she’s going to scream you might as well start the cycle early and wear her down. I’d give her 10 minutes (based on her screams-you know certain ones where CIO is just not happening, at that point calm her down and try again) and then do another book/snuggle, then back to bed. She may not nap that weekend, which is ok, the first goal needs to be to get her out of the habit of going to your room. Then you can work on getting her to sleep. At daycare she knows where she’s to sleep and when, it sounds like there is some wiggle room at home and she’s just doing what she’s allowed to do. Remember this, you are still a good mom, you are doing your best and you CAN establish better habits. It just takes time! Hang in there 🙂
Jessica says
Thank you!!!! I needed to hear all this. This is GREAT advice 🙂 You’re totally right about consistency and that at daycare she knows what the routine is. On the weekends, our schedule is so nuts, so there is no consistency at all with her naps and you’re right, there’s definitely wiggle room.
Jess says
I so have to share this with my friend Deb!!! She has nighttime issues. Her youngest just escaped from the crib so they had to switch to toddler bed mode and her oldest used to make himself throw up. My little cousin Aubrey would also make herself throw up if Daddy wasn’t home to put her in her crib. Which was a problem because Daddy would have to go out of town once in a while.
Erika at I {heart} Rhody says
You’re definitely not alone.
I haven’t had a toddler in many, many years, but it seems if she’s napping on a mat at school, maybe a mat at home would help. Just for naptimes. Instead of the bedtime routine, maybe try the duplicate the naptime routine they have at school. Then she’ll realize it’s not time for “the long sleep” but the one that all the kids do at school.
Also remember, children act very differently at school than at home. Hang in there!
Sheri says
Sometimes you just got to do what is best for you. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Have you thought of getting her a floor mat..seriously? Start a new routine? A little tent?
Jen says
Sounds like my girl. When she is with my sister (our daycare) she naps all fine and dandy. When she is with me at home, she will only sleep on me. Sometimes, if I’m lucky and she is out cold, I can transfer her to the couch. I feel your pain!
P.S. Found you through HonestMom’s link up. Thanks for posting!
Frantic Mama says
I love your post (found you through the Honest Mom Link up)– even though I know how hard it is when your child won’t nap! You just want to explain to them that they NEED to sleep so that we can all be happy. So, yeah, I feel your pain. Hang in there!
Norine Dworkin-McDaniel says
Ha! Totally been there. My nanny was great at getting my kid to sleep. I used to watch from the doorway to see if I could learn her secrets because I could never get my kid to go down for a nap like she could. One of the great mysteries.
Michele C. says
Honestly? My kids are weekend nap disasters and always were. My oldest doesn’t nap anymore, and my 3 yo shouldn’t because then she’s up until midnight. But when we went through this phase there wasn’t much I could do about it. She napped great at daycare. And would nap for EVERYONE else. She just literally didn’t want to be without me. If I weren’t home, she would nap for my husband. But not me. It’s just a separation anxiety issue for my daughter and we’re STILL dealing with it now that she’s in a twin bed at night. She will go to sleep eventually but often end up in our bed at 3am. *sigh*